


Reports

by Carnivore



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Banter, Dirty Jokes, First Dates, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carnivore/pseuds/Carnivore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodimus made a joke about Ultra Magnus and Red Alert being a good match. He didn't expect Magnus to take it literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reports

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat inspired by this art  
> http://rungian-slip.tumblr.com/post/116084415051/dataglitch-doodle-for-drabble-trade-with
> 
> This ship _makes sense!_ I'm genuinely surprised it isn't a thing!

“Argh, nooo, not more reports! - Rodimus groaned when Magnus put a sizeable stack of datapads on his desk. - Not after all these ‘pads Red’s dumped on me! You two are such report fanatics you gotta be seeing each other!” - the frustrated Captain just itched to add that Mags should really check it out whether Red had the same brand of stick up his aft, but decided to keep this joke for a more suitable audience. 

He waited until Magnus went out of the door, then sang under his breath: 

“Red and Mags sitting in a tree… rea-ding-re-ports!”

Ultra Magnus was offended, but the idea made sense. Red Alert had never shown disrespect for rules or the Enforcer himself. The security director was quiet, hard-working and responsible - maybe a bit too nervous, but then he would appreciate a powerful mech like Magnus watching his back. 

Later at the bar, Rodimus and Swerve were discussing how Mags would have to read a manual before sticking his “stick” up Red’s aft, (or rather, two manuals: “User’s Guide to the User’s Dick” and “User’s Guide to Another User’s Aft”, ah, and probably “Interfacing for Dummies” too). And then they’d take the measurements, and get in the right position, and Mags would have to stick it at the precise angle, otherwise Red would decide that it’s too dangerous!

Their stream of jibes was interrupted when Magnus showed up with Red Alert at his side, ordering mid-grade for two. They settled in the furthest corner, got some data pads out of their compartments and went on with their quiet, polite and probably very boring conversation. 

“Sometimes I get a feeling that my life is just one never-ending anecdote,” - Swerve made a helpless gesture. At this point the situation crossed the boundaries of “hilarious” and became _inconceivable._

“And what did you expect when you opened _a bar?”_ \- Rodimus snorted, staring at the officers with a slightly shocked expression. Had Magnus taken his joke as an advice? Could he even recognize a joke when he heard one?

When Swerve brought their drinks, he overheard Magnus asking Red whether the security director had time to check his personal quarters for “bugs”. The minibot suppressed a naughty smirk, before realizing that it could’ve been a straighforward request and not a sexual hint at all. Or it could be both, and also a courting ritual to show respect for Red’s official duties. Swerve wouldn’t be surprised if Head of Security tried to flirt with the Enforcer by quoting the Tyrest Accord.

One thing was clear to Swerve: his days of playing pranks on his roommate were _definitely_ over.


End file.
